What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 16:26
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Latest AirPods Pro 2 feature is ahead of its time in the best way - 9to5Mac
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I write beautiful poetry .
She married twice! .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I will be 64.
Chris Conley announces his retirement - NBC Sports
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Asia stocks buoyed by tech gains; trade, economic uncertainty persists - Investing.com
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Global pandemic warning: Aspergillus deadly fungus mirrors HBO’s ‘The Last of Us’ - Times of India
We were not on the streets..
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Put me off passion for life!!
Could This Diet Be the Key to Preventing Alzheimer's and Dementia? - bestlifeonline.com
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He knew the spot.
And i lived it daily.
Israel launches several attacks on Beirut’s southern suburbs, south Lebanon - Al Jazeera
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Starbucks CEO admits the struggling chain made a major mistake - TheStreet
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
For 9 Days, Earth Was Sending Out Mysterious Signals. Now We Know What They Were. - Yahoo
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She loved him until the end.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was scared of men, in general
The only rule us 5 kids had .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But, we were locked up after school.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When she asked me how she looked .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I don,t even have a pension.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Would this be the day?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is soul school!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I said to her
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Comes on , in middle age.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My family never makes their pension either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was seconnd youngest,
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Ive learnt so much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I have no regrets .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was very sick at this time too.
(And it was in our own minds.)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So, i spoilt her more .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
What did i know ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
All the time i was locked up.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it wasn’t much.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was 9 years of age.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Im still living with it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My life is so biszare .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He resisted the act ,that day.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I think the readers, may guess!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)